Soul No.....My first Jerri Curl Experience

Man I loved the 90's. At eight years old...The best times of my life were spent living in Rose Acres with my Grandmother, Cousin, Brother and Mother. Taught me alot about making my own choices and not to be easily influenced. My mom is cool but didn't just let us watch any rated R movie most times we had to sneak and watch by turning the TV down low, maybe that is why I am so good at lips reading.

One evening my mom let Mckinzie, Ojay and I watch "Coming to America."
Great movie. One of my all time favorites. Good laughs until I saw the "Sol Glo" commercial....

Omg!! I want my hair to look like that. Screw the beads and braids. I want hair that is silky smooth... I can run my fingers through it.... and shake it, beautiful and bouncy...... I want a Jerri Curl!!! I begged and begged... "Can I pleeeeaaaassseee get a Jerri Curl?" It came to many days that I fell down on my knees grabbing at her ankles. Most days she just said,

 "Hell f---in no!!! Don't ask no more!!"

So I tried the non verbal approach and just clung onto her legs crying and she would just kick me off and keep on walking.

This isn't working cause usually when mama said, "No." that is what she meant it.

GRANDMA!!!

I went in her room with my head down, moaping around saying, " Grandma can I get a Jerri Curl..please, I will take care of it I promise."

Grandma felt sorry for me and told me I could get it on Saturday. My mom was pissed, but grandma talked to her about it and she seemed pretty cool, but warned  me, "Next time I say NO. That is what the f--- I mean." I nodded, "Yes maam." Walking away smiling.. YES!!! I AM GOING TO GET MY JERRI CURL!!!!  I was so happy... Hello world welcome the new Tiffany on Saturday with the soft and silk smooth....JERRI CURL!!!

Saturday finally came........

I walked out of the house waving bye to my mom, brother and cousin. Knowing that they are gonna be jealous of me and my new doo. I can only imagine.......

Mama's last words to me as I got inside Grandmas car, "You sure you want to do this?" "Yes mama I am gonna be BEAUTIFUL!!!" She just looked at me, shook her head and went in the house.

I couldn't wait for grandma's car to stop I jumped out and headed to the beauty shop saying, "I am happy I am getting a Jerri Curl today!!" They all looked at me like "Okay."

So grandma came in and introduced me to the beautician named "Liza." She too had a Jerri Curl, but she had a blond patch in the front of hers and that was cool.

She started working on my hair very quickly.

SNIP...SNAP..SNIP..SNIP

I was seeing my hair falling from my head...I was thinking what the f@#*!!

"Why are you cutting my hair?"

"Oh honey you have dead ends, it is just a trim."

More and more of my damn hair started to fall...

More clipping......wash....rolled...under dryer......taken out......

and w-a-l-a-h

I got out of the chair. looked on the floor...Looked at grandma telling me, "Awwww..look at my beautiful grandbaby." I am looking in the mirror...Awww is right. I look like a boy. So grandma but a banana clip in my hair..Hell I had more clip than hair. I am so ugly why lie..everyone knows it. I have no hair!!!! I had no boobs, skinny as a stick and with no hair on my head. I tried to hold in the tears... I couldn't go home like this...What happened to the luster, beautiful, long, silky like the sol glow commercial. That is the only thing that kept replaying in my mind....

 What the hell happened!!!

My grandma let me walk through the door first. The walk of shame.. My mama was standing in the hall way shaking her head in a, "I told yo ass." mannerism. My brother and cousin put their hands over their mouths trying not to laugh. If I would have saw any teeth from either one of them..I definitely  would have sprayed them in the face with my "Care Free Curl Activator."

I laid on the bed, my grandma came in rubbed my back and said, "Honey your hair will grow back." she gave me a hug and said, "I have something for you and you have to use this all of the time." Smiling I thought it was a special gift for me after this horrible experience. She pulled out a clear plastic shower cap.....

Couldn't do anything that involved laying around or me head making contact with any furniture without that damn cap. ME and that cap became frienemies really quick. I hated it but I loved it, that cap saved my from getting plenty of would be ass whoppins. For the next couple of months...I always heard, "Are you wearing that cap?" "Girl I you don't get your head off that couch, go get the cap before I knock your hair straight!!"

Constant threats of knocking some hair on my head, knocking it straight, and knocking the grease off my face, if I didn't wear the cap. Woke up with a greasy face every morning, didn't want to stay outside long on hot summer days like the other kids activator always ran down my face, in my eyes and shirt. Plus, I was afraid of shrinkage into a box fade. My head freezing in the winter time because I couldn't wear my knitted hat, due to the activator and the worse of all many sleepless nights due to the crunching of the plastic cap, whenever I moved or changed positions that sounded like someone was crunching a brown paper bag in my ears.

The sad thing is that I was told I have to wait six month for the curl to wear down. I could not wait to get my braids and beads back.

Soft and silky smooth my ass...

Fire Crotch

This experience was a very unforgettable one. It was a couple of days after Christmas and I got my new PJ Sparkle Baby doll. You know the ones that lit up when you shook it or moved it a tiny bit.

 I was so happy to have my new baby finally in my arms. Well one night me and my cousin Mckinzie was in our bedroom about to go to bed. Lying in bed I was extremely bored but not sleepy. So I started to shake my PJ Sparkle so that if she would light up. She did and lit up the whole room. It was so pretty and pink.

Every ass whooping I got well we all got was because of her. Well,  she had the ideal of wanting to light up some candles in our room to see what it looked like. So I snuck out of bed and ran, on my tippy toes in the den where the candles were, mind you they were huge. They were the size of a 24 oz can, anyways I grabbed those and ran back to bed. It was her turn but she had to go into Grandma's room, open her top drawer and take out her matches. Here is the thing about grandma's drawer it made all kinds of noises when trying to open. I suddenly heard a......

I just knew that she got caught... I was thinking it sucks to be her and hid under my covers. I heard her creep back in the room saying, "Tiff you awake?" "Yeah!" I said with my head still under the covers. I heard foot steps coming down the hall, my heart got to beating 200 miles per hour. OMG!! I can't breath...inhale..exhale. Grandma came in our room saying, "Yall need to go to bed." "Ok!" we both in unison. She shut the door. I had to catch my breath for a couple of minutes. Kinzie pulled out the matches, " I got'em." I pulled out my candles. "Got'em." Let the fun begin.

She lit the candle.. we were playing shadow animals..having a good time, laughing just being kids.  Until....

Boom!!! Went the door..then the lights came on. Damn that is a lot of smoke...

"What in the hell is all of that noise?..." "What the hell!!..Is that SMOKE in here?"

I looked at Kinzie and she looked at me, then we looked at Grandma... Kinzie I believe said the first thing that came to mind, "It was smoky outside so we shut the window." I co-signed really quick with bugged out eyes and just a nod of the head. Grandma looked at us I swore I saw the smoke coming from her nose and eyes where like fire. My sweet Grandma has turned into the monster that eats kids and I was scared.

Then she looked at us and smile, "Well, since you are lying to me I will give you a moment to think about it and closed the door. I opened the window we were both fanning our lives away. Then she throws me the candles and she keeps the matches, Ain't that a bitch, so I put them under my pillow still hot, burnt by the hot wax, but the wax was nothing compared to what was about to go down.

Grandma came back, "So. Do you want to tell the truth.?" I so wanted to say, "It was her fault.. she made me do it. I am sorry.. I love you beautiful Grandmother."

My lips nor my body could move. I think I am gonna faint. The room was spinning. The only thing I could remember is Kinzie pointing at me saying, "She wants it FIRST." FIRST!!!! First for what??!! Grandma headed straight towards me hands behind her back. Ok I am about to get my ass beat, I will except that but I was expecting a flyswatter...a switch...a shoe...the classic belt...WTF..what is that long skinny black thing. EXTENSION CORD!!! Really...before I was going to endure this pain..Mama where are you? Save me from the hell stricken pain that haunts me for the moment. "Turn over on your stomach." The thought just hurts my feelings, so I cried instantly, not because I was truly sorry, but because I wanted her to feel sorry for me.

Didn't work.

I could heard the cord as it whipped through the air. WHOOSH!!...POW...5.4.3.2.1. PAIN!!

My crying went from sympathy tears to hollering. After the first two the pain got worse to unbearable. I managed to get up away from her and I found myself myself jumping up and down on my bed like a little monkey hollering.

Then she went to Kinzie. My tears went from crying to laughing at the long dramatic sequences of "Mama No!!" She hollered I laughed but then her hollering turn from screams to a howling. That was a weird sound coming from a little girl. "Mama....Mama.. you hit my cootchie."  Grandma showed no sympathy.." It shouldn't have been in the way." Her face was red. I was crying from laughter, the pain was still there, but I forgot about it at that moment. I was sore for a few days but yet at least I didn't have fire crotch.

My little brother was laughing at us and Grandma asked him did he want some too.