5 truths of Being an Ass Kisser.

I know how to shmooze people into doing things for me or giving me the answer that I want to hear. I consider that to be just apart of life. It is called "Survivng the Game of Life."
There is a difference between shmoozing and just puckering up.

To make this clear I used my online dictionary as a source.

schmooze or schmoose also shmooze  (shmz) Slang

v. schmoozed or schmoosed also shmoozed, schmooz·ing or schmoos·ing also shmooz·ing, schmooz·es or schmoos·es also shmooz·es

v.intr.

To converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.

v.tr.

To engage in schmoozing with: "how to be a professional artisthow to be a businessperson, how to schmooze the collectors" (Paige Powell).

n.

The act or an instance of shmoozing.

Define: Suck Up aka Kissing Ass

(sŭk'ŭp')
n. Informal
A person who flatters or defers to others obsequiously; a sycophant.

Behave obsequiously towards, ingratiate oneself with, as in Now that he's the boss they're all sucking up to him, hoping to get big raises. [Vulgar slang; mid-1800s]

Advantages of being of Being a kiss ass, sucking up, brown nosing ect.......

1) You get a lot of praise from your boss and "some" co-workers...

but even though you get the "Good Jobs" and "Best Employee Award,"

The truth is........
I am willing to do whatever it takes to be the shining light at the work place, even it I have to snitch and back stab my way to the top.

Co-workers.....
Here comes the snitch. Always in the bosses office. Even though we don't know what for we always assume that it is for snitching. Asking me questions for what so that you can go and tell. How about we talk in codes and email each other.

2) Very willing to help your fellow co-workers in their time of need....

The truth is.........

You are interested in helping your co-workers and also learning their job in the process so that you can brag to the boss that you are mulitasked and can take on multiple roles other than your job...

Co-workers view......
Why are you trying to come around and take my job. I am going to half show you and not show you all of what it is that I do. Back the hell up and find you something to do pertaining to your job.

3) Being very concerned about whether your co-workers are doing, "The Right Thing."

The truth is..........
I know that they are not working all of the time or following the guidelines so therefore I am telling. I may walk around their personal area just to see what they are really doing. If I am not for sure I am going to ask in question form such as, "So are you doing your homework?" or "Are you blogging?"

Co-Worker's view
Hey How about "Why are you concerned about what I am doing?" and a "If what I am doing affecting you and your work area?" top it off with...."Bitch if you don't mind your business I am going to take your name badge and shove it down your throat."

4) I am very helpful. If my co-worker doesn't know then I have the answer.

The truth is...........
Talking out of turn. If they don't know the answer and it is apart of their job I will answer the best way possible. I like to listen to my co-workers phone calls and ask questions because I need to know what, when, where and how they are doing and I have to know what they are talking about and who they are talking to.
Co-Workers.........
"Fuck it...today is the day that I will not speak in codes I am going to say what the hell I want and how I want.. Guess what I dare you ask me anything?"

5)  Spending extra time in the bosses office. I just think it is professional to keep them informed about the work ethics of their employees.

The truth is.............
I am trying to get ahead in this office. I will get anyone i trouble and I will definitely keep the boss informed about who is getting on facebook, chatting or blogging at work. Not to mention don't be a minute over your lunch break because I will tell and you will face the consequences.

Co-workers...........
Do I really want her to relieve me for my break today, "Uh hell no." Damn here she comes I have to turn my computer at an angle because she likes to lurk around to see what I am doing. "Why did she just ask me that question, is she trying to figure out what my intentions are in finding another job?"