Loner

This is why I am a loner..................

1) I trust nobody with my secrets there is maybe one or two and they are close family like my brother and sister. I have to be around you all of the time I do mean daily. Not as in saying "Hi" every blue moon or a facebook bestfriend, I mean sitting down and talking to you getting to know who you are and your ways.
2) I have come to the realization that I stay to myself because I don't like people.
People can really piss you off. 
3) I don't like to watch what I say, or think twice about somebody going back and twisting up my story.
4) I like to watch drama on T.V. then I change the channel. My life is quite and B.S. free.
5) People say and do the unnessessary.
6) When Friends become enemies you will be exposed, by word of mouth and facebook.
7) They talk about the other friends you hangout with..How do you know that they aren't talking about you?
8) There is really not such thing as a true friend but there is such thing as a long temporary friend.  Get it......Fri "END."
9) Facebook friends are just what they are suppose to be friends on social network. Unless you know them personally there is nothing to talk about..
10) I wish I could delete people in real life.
11) Not ever keeping it real because deep down inside they will tell you... you look good so that you won't look better than them.
12) Never genuine about what they do or have done for you. You better believe if they have done it for you somebody else knows about the deed as well.
13) There is a different in venting to someone and actually dogging your so called "friend" out.
14) I won't tag people when I am commenting about their status. No need it is my page, "U no Like" D-E-L-E-T-E it is so simple.  online gangstas, "OG's" are not gansta at all.
15) I like being me and being around myself.. Don't need no ones approval.
16) People have fucked up ways..and do fucked up stuff to others and I am a strong believer in Karma.
17) Hypocrites are the worse, don't judge me cause you may have or is currently doing what you are judging undercover.
18) I don't get into others business but people like talking to me and that is ok. I may tell or may not, but if I did..what.
19) I am not a bitch, but I am a firm believer in the three strike rule.
20) Don't have any enemies that is because I stay to myself, and start no shit. As the old saying goes, "Don't start not Shit...Won't be no shit!!"

A Woman's Love

The bitter woman once had love in her heart.
He directly tore it apart.
She gave all she could, always left down her guard.
She gave him love which was easy,
Him loving her was hard.
He was suppose to be her shield,  to protect her from the storm.
He turned out to be the demon in an cherub uniform.
He abused her verbally "You are not pretty to me.",
She gained low self esteem,
Every sentence he spoke "You will never find another like me."
She began to believe.
He beat her..mentally.
She couldn't leave.
Loved him unconditionally,
Ride or Die for him..risk loosing her sanity.
He is unfaithful and full of lies.
Her heart is broken but grateful that he is still in her life. She sacrifice.
He continues to "Live"
She is trying to "Give"
"He cheated with her" constantly on her mind but she forgives.
He is always angry, don't want to be affected
She tried to act as if it wasn't bothering her, she didn't want to feel rejected.
He ranted about her misfortunes and the past things she done
All she wanted was to have that special someone..to be the loved.
He wants to go, and live his life.
All she wants is her reward to be his wife.
She wants to be his future
He thinks she is a patched up old suture
His love he is forgetting.
She realizes where she is now and starts regretting.
She answers "I have loved to much."
He knows he didn't love enough.

Soul No.....My first Jerri Curl Experience

Man I loved the 90's. At eight years old...The best times of my life were spent living in Rose Acres with my Grandmother, Cousin, Brother and Mother. Taught me alot about making my own choices and not to be easily influenced. My mom is cool but didn't just let us watch any rated R movie most times we had to sneak and watch by turning the TV down low, maybe that is why I am so good at lips reading.

One evening my mom let Mckinzie, Ojay and I watch "Coming to America."
Great movie. One of my all time favorites. Good laughs until I saw the "Sol Glo" commercial....

Omg!! I want my hair to look like that. Screw the beads and braids. I want hair that is silky smooth... I can run my fingers through it.... and shake it, beautiful and bouncy...... I want a Jerri Curl!!! I begged and begged... "Can I pleeeeaaaassseee get a Jerri Curl?" It came to many days that I fell down on my knees grabbing at her ankles. Most days she just said,

 "Hell f---in no!!! Don't ask no more!!"

So I tried the non verbal approach and just clung onto her legs crying and she would just kick me off and keep on walking.

This isn't working cause usually when mama said, "No." that is what she meant it.

GRANDMA!!!

I went in her room with my head down, moaping around saying, " Grandma can I get a Jerri Curl..please, I will take care of it I promise."

Grandma felt sorry for me and told me I could get it on Saturday. My mom was pissed, but grandma talked to her about it and she seemed pretty cool, but warned  me, "Next time I say NO. That is what the f--- I mean." I nodded, "Yes maam." Walking away smiling.. YES!!! I AM GOING TO GET MY JERRI CURL!!!!  I was so happy... Hello world welcome the new Tiffany on Saturday with the soft and silk smooth....JERRI CURL!!!

Saturday finally came........

I walked out of the house waving bye to my mom, brother and cousin. Knowing that they are gonna be jealous of me and my new doo. I can only imagine.......

Mama's last words to me as I got inside Grandmas car, "You sure you want to do this?" "Yes mama I am gonna be BEAUTIFUL!!!" She just looked at me, shook her head and went in the house.

I couldn't wait for grandma's car to stop I jumped out and headed to the beauty shop saying, "I am happy I am getting a Jerri Curl today!!" They all looked at me like "Okay."

So grandma came in and introduced me to the beautician named "Liza." She too had a Jerri Curl, but she had a blond patch in the front of hers and that was cool.

She started working on my hair very quickly.

SNIP...SNAP..SNIP..SNIP

I was seeing my hair falling from my head...I was thinking what the f@#*!!

"Why are you cutting my hair?"

"Oh honey you have dead ends, it is just a trim."

More and more of my damn hair started to fall...

More clipping......wash....rolled...under dryer......taken out......

and w-a-l-a-h

I got out of the chair. looked on the floor...Looked at grandma telling me, "Awwww..look at my beautiful grandbaby." I am looking in the mirror...Awww is right. I look like a boy. So grandma but a banana clip in my hair..Hell I had more clip than hair. I am so ugly why lie..everyone knows it. I have no hair!!!! I had no boobs, skinny as a stick and with no hair on my head. I tried to hold in the tears... I couldn't go home like this...What happened to the luster, beautiful, long, silky like the sol glow commercial. That is the only thing that kept replaying in my mind....

 What the hell happened!!!

My grandma let me walk through the door first. The walk of shame.. My mama was standing in the hall way shaking her head in a, "I told yo ass." mannerism. My brother and cousin put their hands over their mouths trying not to laugh. If I would have saw any teeth from either one of them..I definitely  would have sprayed them in the face with my "Care Free Curl Activator."

I laid on the bed, my grandma came in rubbed my back and said, "Honey your hair will grow back." she gave me a hug and said, "I have something for you and you have to use this all of the time." Smiling I thought it was a special gift for me after this horrible experience. She pulled out a clear plastic shower cap.....

Couldn't do anything that involved laying around or me head making contact with any furniture without that damn cap. ME and that cap became frienemies really quick. I hated it but I loved it, that cap saved my from getting plenty of would be ass whoppins. For the next couple of months...I always heard, "Are you wearing that cap?" "Girl I you don't get your head off that couch, go get the cap before I knock your hair straight!!"

Constant threats of knocking some hair on my head, knocking it straight, and knocking the grease off my face, if I didn't wear the cap. Woke up with a greasy face every morning, didn't want to stay outside long on hot summer days like the other kids activator always ran down my face, in my eyes and shirt. Plus, I was afraid of shrinkage into a box fade. My head freezing in the winter time because I couldn't wear my knitted hat, due to the activator and the worse of all many sleepless nights due to the crunching of the plastic cap, whenever I moved or changed positions that sounded like someone was crunching a brown paper bag in my ears.

The sad thing is that I was told I have to wait six month for the curl to wear down. I could not wait to get my braids and beads back.

Soft and silky smooth my ass...

Fire Crotch

This experience was a very unforgettable one. It was a couple of days after Christmas and I got my new PJ Sparkle Baby doll. You know the ones that lit up when you shook it or moved it a tiny bit.

 I was so happy to have my new baby finally in my arms. Well one night me and my cousin Mckinzie was in our bedroom about to go to bed. Lying in bed I was extremely bored but not sleepy. So I started to shake my PJ Sparkle so that if she would light up. She did and lit up the whole room. It was so pretty and pink.

Every ass whooping I got well we all got was because of her. Well,  she had the ideal of wanting to light up some candles in our room to see what it looked like. So I snuck out of bed and ran, on my tippy toes in the den where the candles were, mind you they were huge. They were the size of a 24 oz can, anyways I grabbed those and ran back to bed. It was her turn but she had to go into Grandma's room, open her top drawer and take out her matches. Here is the thing about grandma's drawer it made all kinds of noises when trying to open. I suddenly heard a......

I just knew that she got caught... I was thinking it sucks to be her and hid under my covers. I heard her creep back in the room saying, "Tiff you awake?" "Yeah!" I said with my head still under the covers. I heard foot steps coming down the hall, my heart got to beating 200 miles per hour. OMG!! I can't breath...inhale..exhale. Grandma came in our room saying, "Yall need to go to bed." "Ok!" we both in unison. She shut the door. I had to catch my breath for a couple of minutes. Kinzie pulled out the matches, " I got'em." I pulled out my candles. "Got'em." Let the fun begin.

She lit the candle.. we were playing shadow animals..having a good time, laughing just being kids.  Until....

Boom!!! Went the door..then the lights came on. Damn that is a lot of smoke...

"What in the hell is all of that noise?..." "What the hell!!..Is that SMOKE in here?"

I looked at Kinzie and she looked at me, then we looked at Grandma... Kinzie I believe said the first thing that came to mind, "It was smoky outside so we shut the window." I co-signed really quick with bugged out eyes and just a nod of the head. Grandma looked at us I swore I saw the smoke coming from her nose and eyes where like fire. My sweet Grandma has turned into the monster that eats kids and I was scared.

Then she looked at us and smile, "Well, since you are lying to me I will give you a moment to think about it and closed the door. I opened the window we were both fanning our lives away. Then she throws me the candles and she keeps the matches, Ain't that a bitch, so I put them under my pillow still hot, burnt by the hot wax, but the wax was nothing compared to what was about to go down.

Grandma came back, "So. Do you want to tell the truth.?" I so wanted to say, "It was her fault.. she made me do it. I am sorry.. I love you beautiful Grandmother."

My lips nor my body could move. I think I am gonna faint. The room was spinning. The only thing I could remember is Kinzie pointing at me saying, "She wants it FIRST." FIRST!!!! First for what??!! Grandma headed straight towards me hands behind her back. Ok I am about to get my ass beat, I will except that but I was expecting a flyswatter...a switch...a shoe...the classic belt...WTF..what is that long skinny black thing. EXTENSION CORD!!! Really...before I was going to endure this pain..Mama where are you? Save me from the hell stricken pain that haunts me for the moment. "Turn over on your stomach." The thought just hurts my feelings, so I cried instantly, not because I was truly sorry, but because I wanted her to feel sorry for me.

Didn't work.

I could heard the cord as it whipped through the air. WHOOSH!!...POW...5.4.3.2.1. PAIN!!

My crying went from sympathy tears to hollering. After the first two the pain got worse to unbearable. I managed to get up away from her and I found myself myself jumping up and down on my bed like a little monkey hollering.

Then she went to Kinzie. My tears went from crying to laughing at the long dramatic sequences of "Mama No!!" She hollered I laughed but then her hollering turn from screams to a howling. That was a weird sound coming from a little girl. "Mama....Mama.. you hit my cootchie."  Grandma showed no sympathy.." It shouldn't have been in the way." Her face was red. I was crying from laughter, the pain was still there, but I forgot about it at that moment. I was sore for a few days but yet at least I didn't have fire crotch.

My little brother was laughing at us and Grandma asked him did he want some too.





THIRSTY BITCHES

T- Trying to do whatever to make themselves look good by lying to get attention.

     A) Saying they fucked your mate B) Saying you fucked them

     C) Pregnant/Baby daddy drama

H- Have a tendency to try to put a hold on someone who:

A) Don’t want them  B) In a relationship/ Married

C) Currently with or has been with your friend  D) Friendship mistaken for  

relationship

I- In denial about self esteem, so therefore they need to surround themselves around  so- called “Friends”  Motivators” “Minions” “Personal Fan Club” "Drama Club" who talks shit behind their back but they are still “cool.”

R- Really pathetic.  Loves to copy, and don't like you because you got it.

S- Stalking, following in cars, calling all of the time, texting, reading Ex’s  social networking pages, (facebook, myspace, tagged e-harmony...etc)

either trying to keep up with who he is fucking and what chick is on his page, then adding her just to see what she is to him.

T- Talking to others about their fantasies that are not realities, but talking always gets back to the person you are talking about. Which will lead to getting you:

A) Getting the business  B) Popped in the mouth

Y-Yapping out their ass about all the money, cars, hoes, dudes, people hating on them, and the fact that they are grown but don't act like it..blah..blah..blah…

                                                  “Need Water?…”

Dynamic-Doo-doo

Growing up my cousin  and I use to try to find ways to torture my little brother who was 6 at the time. He was always wanting to follow us everywhere we went.. Everywhere. When we did leave him he use to tell on us and we got in trouble by Mama and Grandma. It was always,
"He is the youngest. Don't leave him alone."
Now that I look back, I can understand why he wanted to hang out with us because no one else was around. I love my brother so much and it was always just me and him until we moved to KY and then it was Him, my big cousin and I. I never had a big sister so I looked up to her and wanted her all to myself. I was very selfish. We were like the three amigos, if one got in trouble we all got in trouble that is just how that went.
My cousin and I use to call ourselves, "THE DYNAMIC DUO" and when my brother was around we were called the Triple Trouble.
One day my cousin had a dog that used shit in the yard all of the time and we had to clean it up.
Well I guess timing was on our side because not too long before my brother got us in trouble for leaving the yard earlier that morning. I had to get him back.
He was always cautious around us thinking that we were going to do something to him for snitching.
We had to butter him up and I do mean good.
"Hey little bro you want us to swing you around."
His eyes lit up he could not resist. I believe he thought I was calling it a truce.
I grabbed his arms and she grabbed his legs and we began to swing all over the yard, just running and swinging him back and forth chanting, "Dynamic-duo, Dynamic-duo." Over and over again.
I spotted the pile of dog doo doo that we were suppose to clean up. It was so fresh you could practically see the steam still flowing off of it.
So we had to position ourselves for victory. I knew in my heart I was going to get an ass beating for this, but by god it will be well worth it.
As we swung him over the crap our chant changed to,
"Dynamic-doo-doo, Dynamic-doo-doo."
I though he would notice something was wrong. Nope he was just happy singing our chant along with us.
"Dynamic-doo-doo!!! Dynamic-doo-doo!!!"

" Ready, Set and Drop!!"
We dropped him hard. He went down and the smell came up. He laid there for a second or two and said, "Ow!!! That hurts." He slowly got up and looked down on the ground....
It  went up the back of his shirt and on the back of his butt and legs. I swear I seen him turn from a little boy to a full girl. He waved his arms like a mad chicken, screaming in soprano, the highest I have ever heard. He had his chest stuck way out by arching his back, like someone threw a cup of cold water on him, I guess he done that so he couldn't feel the heated stench coming from him.... well his shirt.
He took off screaming in the house.
I could hear my Mama and Grandma yell, "Boy what is wrong with you...Come back. What is that smell? Hey don't sit on my couch with that shit on you boy."
"Who did it?"
"Mckinzie!!!  Tiffany!!!.."
We got in trouble but not the whipping that I expected, hell they were laughing themselves but only when he took a bath.
We had to apologize to him. We did and he never told on us again.

Bakery Sale Compliments of Fido...

At the age of 10, I was a very experimental young girl. I was always finding ways to make some extra cash. I couldn't come to terms of me being called a schemer but an business woman preparing for my future.
Well my daddy just went to the grocery shopping. I am helping him put the food away and came across, "Cookies" I was excited  and ready to demolish all of them till they were gone.
Oh man I couldn't wait to taste those delicious cream filled Oreo cookies, soft oat meal frosted cookies and those sweet chocolate chip cookies that will dance with my taste buds and swim along with the coldness of milk to wash it all down..hmmmmmm..
I grabbed the cookies and daddy grabbed me. "These are for Fido don't eat those dog cookies." Confused I had to ask,  "Where is mine?"

 "Honey I ran out of money. Next time OK..Love you." He ended that conversation with a kiss and headed off to bed to take a nap. I could have sworn I saw Fido smiling at me. I saw his teeth.

Daddy loves the dog more than me.
Then it hit me if I could get dad some money then when he wakes up, he can buy me all of my favorite tasty treats. I am a genius.

I looked around the room to find a plan. Maybe I can make lemonade and sell it. Naw. That takes too long. I need a money maker. Across the room on the table, I saw my
piece of heaven. Fido looked at me and growled. I looked back and smiled.

Peeping at dad to make sure he was sleep. His snoring told me all I needed to know.
I took all the cookies and poured them into my moms cookie basket. Made a sign using the back of an old Muppet babies poster. Taped it to my coloring table. I had a nice set up, I must say so myself.
Three minutes of being outside I started sell Fido's cookies and they were a hit. Two cookies for 50 cent. I made a killing. This old lady across the street asked me honey these are delicious, did your mom bake these I kindly nodded yes. She loved them so much she bought three dollars worth.

After those were sold. I quickly packed up and headed in the house, Fido following me. I ran to daddy and said, "I have some money, it is from my piggy bank can we please go get some cookies."
We went to the store. I was happy. Never did he question why I had mainly dollars instead of the nickels and pennies he always gave me.

And of course I have to give Fido some but only a small piece of my oatmeal cookie and that is because I dropped it on the ground.

Wisdom is her name-o

So the family and I were in our way home from Alabama. I really hate road trips, and road trips with children are equally worse. Not because they exist, but because of all the bathroom breaks. So we stopped at a run down truck stop. The ones that you see in  murder movies where we ask for directions and old man Earl lead us the wrong way so we will get lost and  kill us or zombies chasing us at full speed. I was nervous and scared all in one, which heightened my sensation to pee. My wonderful cousin asked me to take her 5 year old daughter named Wisdom with me. I didn't mind. I'm thinking hey kill two birds with one stone. I should have known some shit was literally was about to go down.

On our way to our destination, I am dragging her, she is walking slow and  almost bumped into this elderly that weighted every bit of 400 to 500 pounds. No exaggeration included. This lady had her walking cane that look miserable it could literally feel its pain, but still served its purpose and she was running saying, "Oh god, please let me make it." With every step she took there were there were cussing and religious hymns coming out in unison. I was almost scared to be polite, even though she was old the way she was moving I knew she wasn't going to be able to hold it. On the other hand  just didn't want to smell the beast that was coming. We let her go first, but to my surprise the bathroom was just as big as shack of a truck stop. Actually looked clean and decent.

So I let Wisdom go in first, I had to make preparations like lining the toilet with loads and loads of paper. Then we heard the heavens open with a loud thundering roar; "Brrrrrraaaaaaaaaatatatatatat!!" Wisdom and I both froze in out spots.
"Oh thank ya Masa!!...Oh yes Lawd."
I wanted to giggle. I was kind of curious about the concerned look on Wisdom's face. She looked up at me and asked loudly,
"Ewwwwwwwww........Is she okay?" I could hear the other people waiting to go giggle.
"Sure sounds like it."
Wisdom didn't believe me so she knocked on the next stall saying,
 "Hey...Hey...are you alright in there?"
"Yes, honey I am."
Then Wisdom blurted out, "You sure don't smell like it, it can't breath." and started to hyperventilate like she was going to faint. I could agree it smelled like rotten cabbage, fresh dog do, sulfur and chitterlings rolled in one. Oh how I love my Little drama queen of a cousin. I still had to pee and embarrassed but couldn't keep her in there any longer. The waiting crowd thought she was hilarious. So a couple of miles down the road I had to make an announcement, "Excuse me, I have to pee." The one thing that had my deepest sympathy in this experience was the toilet. I know it would never be the same.

O

O

Sitting home, alone, no phone, ignoring the door…..  Cool

Passing time, sipping wine (merlot), no lights, listening to Bitches Brew

No worries, not in a hurry, I have nothing to do so,

Fuck my health, I puff on death,

Release my stress

Take myself to ecstasy, with my trusty two.

I can depend on you.

As I tip it, I bit my lip and I slowly pull them apart.

The higher the notes go….

The harder and deeper my fingers probe

I get so lost in myself visioning that it is you that I feel...felt

As your argot speaks to me

My body listens intensively... so complete

I am weak, but yet grinding to your beat

One rhythm in sync

My fantasy becomes a sexual splendor

Of moments I want to explore

More, more, more!!!!

My breaths get heavy, the pelvic screams

Do I want to cum yet?

So unsure

I feel the vibes of happiness

Do I want to cum yet?

No, I am gonna enjoy this

Yes, the more I drift away

I feel the tenseness of building up pleasure, slowly releasing from me

I want to hold on to it forever, the moment my body drops to at ease

You are gone only me.

Looking Staring in the darkness, hot to the touch

Unknown to the world, my loneliness is hushed.

Sitting home, alone, no phone, ignoring the door…..  Cool

Passing time, sipping wine (merlot), no lights listening to Bitches Brew

No worries, not in a hurry, I have nothing to do so,

Fuck my health, I puff on death,

Release my stress

Take myself to ecstasy with my trusty two.

I can depend on you.

The Cowardly Break up artist..

"Honey did u read your text message?"
"Not yet."
"Well read it, and don't reply"


"Where did you go this morning? I woke up and you were gone."
"I told you two weeks ago it was over, and I have moved outta town."
"You did not."
"Yes I did, I left you a letter under the bathroom sink by your tampons."


"Hi Mr. Smith is Sarah there."
"Well son, Sarah told me to inform you that it is over, she is in love with another guy and for you to stop calling and delete yourself from her facebook page."


"A Birthday sing a song telegram for Lilly from John."
"Oh..John I love him so much. Mom! Dad! Come and listen."
"Happy Birthday to you..I hate your family and you. It is over were threw..did I mention..I really hate you..and we're no more."

Maybe you shouldn't wear it.....

If you wear perfume that smell like a porta potty on a hot july day, with a hint of twenty old ladies in a bingo hall wearing Estee Lauder's flowery scent that makes others around you either gag, tear up, hold their nose or looking like their head is about to explode into millions from the lack of oxygen. (Breath) Maybe you shouldn't wear it.

If you have a muffin top.. nothing is wrong with a little extra loving but it is very wrong not to wear a shirt that fits. I know it is summer time and many of us want to wear the least amount as much as possible, but if you can't lift your arms up with out showing that grossness of glop you call a stomach. Maybe you shouldn't wear it.

Leggins are not made for tiny shirt.....

Scrub your heel before you wear sandals, heel, flip flops and before trying to get romantic with your lover... What is more embarrassing when you are in the heat of the moment and you hear him scream in pain and agony, because he accidently made contact with those caveman heels.

If you are going to the club and you ask your homegirl do I look good in this..Listen closely watch her facial expression because she may squint, frown, smirk or just stare. Maybe you shouldn't wear it. Chances are she is going to say you look good because deep down inside she wants you to look like the fool and for her drinks to be free all night.

I am a nice size, busty woman skinny by no means. I know it take alot more searching when I have to bra shop. Now, some of us really need to stop kidding ourselves say that you are a 32c knowing good and well that reality need to hit you in the face with a 44dd.